


Twin Thoughts

by CaptainParisStarr



Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: Drug Use, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-09-28 16:44:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20429171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainParisStarr/pseuds/CaptainParisStarr
Summary: Hikaru and Kaoru reflect on how close they came to ending it all.





	Twin Thoughts

Most of our story is known; how we were born from a single egg, how we desire to be told apart and yet wish to be treated as two halves of a whole. How Tamaki invited us to join the Host Club.

What is not known is how that act saved our lives.

Ever since we were little, every one around us struggled with the simple task of telling us apart. It was easy; the one who wasn't Hikaru is Kaoru, and the one who isn't Kaoru is Hikaru. Easy. Simple.

And yet, because we share a face, people would get us confused. Even our own Mother would call us by the wrong name.

Later we would learn that she could always tell us apart, that she pretended not to only to tease, but back then each time she said the wrong name, her words cut us deep.

By the time Tamaki entered our lives, we had decided to end it all. We made ropes, and did all the research, leaving a careless trail. Maybe we wanted our Father; the unassuming manager of a company that makes computer software, to find the trail and stop us. He never even noticed.

The day he asked us to join his Host Club was the day we were planning to swing, together.

Then we got the offer, and decided that we could wait another month. Not that we expected him to learn how to tell us apart in only a month.

In the end, he failed. He could not learn which was Hikaru, and which was Kaoru. But one fateful day, he got the Which One Is Hikaru game right. A mere fluke; a random guess that just happened to be correct.

Afterwards, he told us that he wanted to learn how to tell us apart. That he wanted to be our friend.

So we joined his club, and there we met Haruhi Fujioka.

Without even trying, she saw right through the two of us. Saw what made Hikaru Hikaru and what made Kaoru Kaoru.

She was not guessing; she knew, although how she knew is something that even she doesn't know.

She just knew. Easy. Simple.

But her knowing did not erase the scars on our bodies; scars carefully hidden where no one can see them.

Our wrists only got the lightest kisses of the razor, kisses that healed clean without scaring. The deep, ugly scars are on our inner thighs, where someday someone will get close enough to see them, and learn the truth. But so far only we know that they are there.

The pain helped, but wasn't enough to block out the despair that filled our lives.

We turned towards drugs; nothing too crazy, not at first. We bought joints through a black market website, mailed to a maid we bribed into silence.

Once we tried acid, but found no comfort in the hallucinations. We never tried it again after that.

And still, no one noticed.

After Tamaki talked us into joining his club, we put the ropes away.

After Haruhi revealed that she knew who was who we destroyed them and erased our online trail.

No one knows how close we came to ending it, but perhaps one day we will thank Haruhi for giving us back the will to live. 


End file.
